Until roughly two months ago, I believed I would never use AI for anything. Some of that belief stemmed from legitimate reasons (“Coding everything myself will help me understand what I’m doing!”) and some of it was me being silly (“AI doesn’t have to follow Asimov’s Three Laws of Robotics because it’s not technically a robot, so it might kill me!”).
Then I stumbled across a video of a real dog named Peanut Butter playing a baseball video game. He crushed a home run to win the game. This naturally spiraled into an obsession with Air Bud, the 1997 family film about a dog who “plays” basketball, and its many sequels. I was watching one where Buddy plays baseball when inspiration struck, and my purpose for AI was delivered to me from the heavens.
You know how screenwriters are notoriously clueless when it comes to pretty much everything, like how they butcher stuff related to technology and sports? The newspaper articles in this Air Bud movie were no different. I wondered, “Could AI write a better article than these goofballs?”
So I went deepai.org and asked gave it this prompt: Can you write a fake baseball article about a middle school baseball team? Here’s the response from the AI:
The Oakdale Middle School Marlins baseball team made history yesterday, defeating their arch-rivals, the Lincoln Middle School Lions, 12-8, to win the league championship title.
The Marlins, led by head coach Mike Johnson, finished the regular season with a 10-2 record and entered the playoffs as the top seed. They dominated in the semifinals, beating the Roosevelt Middle School Rough Riders 15-3, before taking down the Lions in the championship game.
Leading the charge for the Marlins was star player, Tyler "T-Bone" Jackson, who went 4-for-4 with two home runs and five RBIs. Jackson's impressive performance earned him MVP honors for the game.
"I'm so proud of these kids," said Coach Johnson. "They've worked hard all season and it's amazing to see them achieve their goal of winning a championship. I'm honored to be their coach."
The Marlins' offense was on fire throughout the game, with every starter getting at least one hit. Catcher Jake "The Snake" Stevens had three hits and two RBIs, while shortstop Alex "The Ace" Rodriguez had two hits and three RBIs.
On the mound, pitcher Ben "The Bull" Brown pitched a strong five innings, striking out seven and allowing just two runs. Reliever Matt "The Maverick" Martin pitched two scoreless innings in relief to earn the save.
The championship win marks the first time in school history that the Oakdale Middle School Marlins have won a league title. The team will celebrate their victory with a team party next week and will be recognized at a school assembly.
"This is an incredible feeling," said team captain, Jackson. "We've worked so hard all season and it's amazing to see it all pay off. We can't wait to celebrate and start planning for next year."
The Marlins will represent their school at the district tournament next month and will look to make a deep run in the postseason. For now, they'll savor their historic championship win and enjoy their moment in the sun.
Honestly, pretty good. It’s somewhat plain, but could work as a solid foundation you could jazz up. Although giving each player an alliterative nickname was over the top, and only one was remotely related to baseball (“The Ace”).
I couldn't help but become curious as to how the AI would handle increasingly absurd demands. After all, there are plenty of boring newspaper articles about team sports it could learn from. But how many of those sports had a dog playing a major role? The new prompt: Can you write a fake baseball article about a middle school baseball team that has an animal playing center field? The response:
The Oakdale Middle School Wildcats are making headlines this season, and it's not just their impressive 12-2 record that's got everyone talking. Their center fielder, a talented and agile raccoon named Rocky, is drawing attention from fans and opponents alike.
Rocky, who was rescued by Coach Mike Johnson from a nearby park, has become an integral part of the team. With his keen eyesight and quick reflexes, he's snagged numerous fly balls and turned would-be doubles into outs.
"I was skeptical at first, but Rocky's been a game-changer for us," said Coach Johnson. "He's got a natural instinct for tracking the ball, and his agility allows him to make some incredible plays."
Rocky's teammates have grown to love having him on the team. "He's always getting us pumped up before games," said pitcher Ben "The Bull" Brown. "And when he makes a play, it gets the whole team energized."
Rocky's unique skills have even inspired the team to adopt some unconventional strategies. For example, they've started using Rocky to herd stray dogs that wander onto the field during games.
"It's become a fun little tradition," said Coach Johnson. "Rocky loves chasing after those dogs and bringing them back to their owners. It breaks the tension and keeps everyone laughing."
Despite some initial concerns about liability and safety, Rocky has proven to be a valuable addition to the team. His presence has even drawn in some new fans, who come to see the team play just to catch a glimpse of the talented raccoon.
"Rocky's become a local celebrity," said parent Jen Thompson, whose son plays on the team. "We're all just thrilled to see him out there making plays and having fun with the kids."
As for Rocky, he's enjoying every minute of it. After games, he loves snuggling up with his favorite teammate, shortstop Alex "The Ace" Rodriguez, and munching on post-game snacks.
"He's definitely the real MVP," said Rodriguez. "We're lucky to have him on our team."
The Oakdale Middle School Wildcats will continue to make waves in the league with Rocky leading the way in center field. Who knows? Maybe one day he'll even get his own baseball card!
I would argue it handled the request well. If we think of this as a first draft, it’s impressive. It didn’t just rehash the same “championship” story line from the original article and throw in something about an animal. It notes how odd it is for a raccoon to be playing with people and tries to provide some reasons an animal might be on the team.
Despite this fairly remarkable result, some of the seams are starting to show. The bit about the stray dogs came out of nowhere. The AI calls it an “unconventional strategy”, but I can’t recall any team ever having a strategy involving dog-herding by an animal or a human.
Full disclosure, I initially made this site because I wanted to talk a little bit about AI and way too much about Air Bud. Actually, let me rephrase: I wanted to dedicate a disproportionate amount of time commenting about specific aspects of the insane franchise spawned from the original film. Every post, I’ll touch on a single thing from the series. To wit:
In the original film, Buddy kind of just performs how you’d expect a trained dog to perform on a basketball court with children. He runs around, drools, pokes the basketball with his nose, and does, you know… dog things. It’s a charming, fun experience.
The original owner of buddy is a (horrible) party clown named Norm Snively. At the end of the movie, he gets hauled off by cops, and presumably arrested and jailed for being the plaintiff in a trial to get the dog back, which would would have been unprecedented in the legal world.
Snively is played by Michael Jeter, who also plays death row inmate Eduard "Del" Delacroix in The Green Mile. I’m pretty sure that losing the trial and getting arrested for no reason sent Snively down a horrible path that begins with some unintentional time-travel and ends in an electric chair.
You might be be tempted to point out the timelines don't add up, but hear me out. Del doesn’t have any family. He keeps a mouse named Mr. Jingles. There’s basically no difference between a drunk clown and a Cajun guy with a loose grasp of English. It just makes sense. And if you think “time-travel” sounds too far-fetched for the Air Bud franchise, wait for post number 50 when we dive into Air Buddies and you’ll change your tune.
(By the way, I genuinely started typing out this first post, then realized that I was about to spend 2500 words of the “introductory post” talking about the Air Bud film franchise and decided to pump the brakes, which is how I landed on only one aspect per post. You’re welcome!)
Anyways, I asked the AI to make a poster for Air Bud because (1) I don’t want to deal with copyright stuff and (2) I thought it would probably be funny. Here’s what it gave me:
Let that be your welcome to my ridiculous weblog. We’ll talk more about Air Buud playing Bakebatball very soon!